As i laid on the bed, all was remaining was the flashback of memories. And no matter how hard i try to hold back, it always appear. And you, are that particular character.
Drowning in work as usual wtf cause school love to kill us.
Anyway, point is I would like to have my special gratitude to my guardian angel for always guiding me to the right path :')
I feel so blissed and thankful that things are going smoothly as planned as for now. Initially it wasn't and honestly, i think i am fucked. Ok, it is abit crude over here but however, i would like to emphasize that the consequences is heavy and, my efforts might just gone to a waste within seconds. Shit. So here it goes. Basically i am supposed to print my entrepreneurship slides using free labs (which nyp kindly provides 30 pcs of paper where we use our admins to print like hundred over for lecture slides) however, shit happens when the lab and printing area all closed due to the fact it's saturday today! Was feeling super anxious cause my group will be having our presentation due in 15mins and i haven't print my slides for the judges! wtf. The moment when i thought i am going to die and i saw.........
STANLEY! Ok, apparently we didn't wanna to say hi cause we are late and he always drag our time asking boliao questions and we have no time to entertaint him (lol) DAMN MEAN AGAIN BUT WE ARE RUNNING OF TIME REALLY I SWEAR. Then, the most awesome-most efficient-most hardworking staff arrived. There's reason why i am so thankful. That time my thumbdrive was spoilt and he helped effortlessly in retrieving my documents by opening the inner parts of my thumbdrive. He was so determined to get it back however, it didn't worked. He told us that we could print over in his office and i'm like, gonna bow down already. And so, we printed all slides with color and i am so grateful till i am gonna tear wtf. Point is,
YAY PRESENTATION IS OVER WTF WTF WTF
i just wasted your time reading, ok bye.
You taught me many things about myself, about what it means to love and care even in the face of cold indifference. There were glimpses of compassion and understanding, sure, but I have no doubts as to the dynamics of our interactions.was always chasing, and you barely had to move to stay out of my reach. Those moments of affection, without which the whole ordeal would have seemed worthless, became like tiny flecks of gold found in near-endless piles of soot and rubble. If I could only keep digging, I thought, I would eventually uncover something beautiful — something I needed to believe existed between us.
But the wind blew past us, the summer over more quickly than I’d ever seen one go before. Our hands were touching, and then they weren’t. If I had known that moment would be over so soon, I would have probably said goodbye then. I would have liked to go out with a little dignity, a little closure — not drawn out over months of barely speaking, of me attaining perpetually higher limits of humiliation in my refusal to accept the truth. To have confronted your unavailability head-on would have been a ripping off of the emotional band-aid, one I only thought I wanted to spend the cool autumn months gently tugging at.
We didn’t speak; we didn’t keep in touch. For a long time, I remained convinced that this period of distance was a strange emotional coma from which you would suddenly awake. You would tell me that you were sorry to have been so weird, that you had always loved me, that I had always been right. I suppose I have watched enough movies in my life to believe that no story, if unsatisfying, is ever at its very end. The tiny flame of hope that this may all have been a petulant phase in your otherwise limitless capacity for love and understanding was perhaps more painful than the harsh finality of your disinterest. To keep grasping at ever-slimmer chances of a happy ending was frustrating, and then ridiculous, and then profoundly sad. I would have liked to just go straight to sad.
After our time flew past me, the passing of months and years became more soft, more understandable. Time once again resembled the lazy river that it had always been, not catching me in its refusal to slow down and let me breathe. The months turned into years, and every last bit of dust from our strange little hurricane had settled. My thoughts of us had become — have become — tiny vignettes that pass in front of my eyes only when faced with a direct reference to you. And they no longer carry a sting, or a turn of the stomach, or even a remote desire to reach out. Life is better (as I had always imagined it might be) when I am surrounded by people of whose love I am completely sure.
I will not forget you, though. I don’t think that you particularly deserve my memory, nor do I flatter myself into believing that you return my sense of vague wistfulness. There is no part of me that wants to return to the limbo I existed in for so long, or even the often-imagined parallel universe in which you reciprocated my feelings to the letter. I do, however, want to remember what it feels like to be hurt, to want, to need something so desperately only to find out that your life is perfectly fine without it. As much as the little scar on my knee will always remind me to watch out when I am running, yours on my heart will teach me to be kind. Because I know what it feels like to be cast aside with indifference, and I know that it’s a pain from which the body itself takes a long time to recover. You will live in my mind as a cautionary tale, a fable of how much damage words can do — especially when they are insincere. And though I am not nostalgic for what we did have, I am hopeful about life being filled with everything we didn’t.
Exact words.
-Repost from Thoughtscatalog.
But the wind blew past us, the summer over more quickly than I’d ever seen one go before. Our hands were touching, and then they weren’t. If I had known that moment would be over so soon, I would have probably said goodbye then. I would have liked to go out with a little dignity, a little closure — not drawn out over months of barely speaking, of me attaining perpetually higher limits of humiliation in my refusal to accept the truth. To have confronted your unavailability head-on would have been a ripping off of the emotional band-aid, one I only thought I wanted to spend the cool autumn months gently tugging at.
We didn’t speak; we didn’t keep in touch. For a long time, I remained convinced that this period of distance was a strange emotional coma from which you would suddenly awake. You would tell me that you were sorry to have been so weird, that you had always loved me, that I had always been right. I suppose I have watched enough movies in my life to believe that no story, if unsatisfying, is ever at its very end. The tiny flame of hope that this may all have been a petulant phase in your otherwise limitless capacity for love and understanding was perhaps more painful than the harsh finality of your disinterest. To keep grasping at ever-slimmer chances of a happy ending was frustrating, and then ridiculous, and then profoundly sad. I would have liked to just go straight to sad.
After our time flew past me, the passing of months and years became more soft, more understandable. Time once again resembled the lazy river that it had always been, not catching me in its refusal to slow down and let me breathe. The months turned into years, and every last bit of dust from our strange little hurricane had settled. My thoughts of us had become — have become — tiny vignettes that pass in front of my eyes only when faced with a direct reference to you. And they no longer carry a sting, or a turn of the stomach, or even a remote desire to reach out. Life is better (as I had always imagined it might be) when I am surrounded by people of whose love I am completely sure.
I will not forget you, though. I don’t think that you particularly deserve my memory, nor do I flatter myself into believing that you return my sense of vague wistfulness. There is no part of me that wants to return to the limbo I existed in for so long, or even the often-imagined parallel universe in which you reciprocated my feelings to the letter. I do, however, want to remember what it feels like to be hurt, to want, to need something so desperately only to find out that your life is perfectly fine without it. As much as the little scar on my knee will always remind me to watch out when I am running, yours on my heart will teach me to be kind. Because I know what it feels like to be cast aside with indifference, and I know that it’s a pain from which the body itself takes a long time to recover. You will live in my mind as a cautionary tale, a fable of how much damage words can do — especially when they are insincere. And though I am not nostalgic for what we did have, I am hopeful about life being filled with everything we didn’t.
Exact words.
-Repost from Thoughtscatalog.
Forgetting someone is pretty much like anesthetic. It numbs, but it's temporary. Trying my best to forget a person who meant the world. As for every line of last text, it hurts more than you ever imagine, with tears uncontrollably down.
Finally ended two presentation this week. Look at my eye bags, i am hopeless need of 100hours of sleep to replenish. Anyway i just researched on selective memory.
To find out whether or not you have selective memory, try to remember something you dont want remember and i realise, i pretty much don't recall much of stuffs that i dont wish to have any relation, not mentioning the word 'past'. I'm reaching there.
You can ask me questions at ask.fm/CelineBleh :)
"It is the biggest mistake to think you can ever pour yourself enough into another person and make them yours"
you don't deserve, deserve nothing of anybody's best.
you don't deserve, deserve nothing of anybody's best.
Here i am posting while everybody's asleep. Currently 3.54am and i am barely breathing from all the workload that's suffocating. It's either i sacrifice my personal space for work, or sacrifice work for personal space. Either way, i am feeling unhappy about how things are really screwed today.
1. My report was submitted to blackboard to detect plagiarism one short phrase from last time' student. I don't even know the person is!!! And it is less than 10words but affecting....me.
2. I brought trouble on the first day of tution to tutee. Did his 1B textbook and he didn't dare to go to school in fear of his teacher cause they haven't taught the topics yet. Tutee's Mom called and sort of lectured me.
3. My thumbdrive is ruined. Had to dissect it and teared over it for 5mims, trying to fix it through wiping alcohol swipes, blow, pray and it doesn't work. It was the saddest, tragic thing ever cause i didn't back up at all. Thank god for friends or this matter will be mind blowing.
4. Java assignment was... pretty decent until we realise we are sort of in wrong track which explains, why i'm still up in the middle of night.
Regardless of everything, i'm going sleep. Good night world xxx
1. My report was submitted to blackboard to detect plagiarism one short phrase from last time' student. I don't even know the person is!!! And it is less than 10words but affecting....me.
2. I brought trouble on the first day of tution to tutee. Did his 1B textbook and he didn't dare to go to school in fear of his teacher cause they haven't taught the topics yet. Tutee's Mom called and sort of lectured me.
3. My thumbdrive is ruined. Had to dissect it and teared over it for 5mims, trying to fix it through wiping alcohol swipes, blow, pray and it doesn't work. It was the saddest, tragic thing ever cause i didn't back up at all. Thank god for friends or this matter will be mind blowing.
4. Java assignment was... pretty decent until we realise we are sort of in wrong track which explains, why i'm still up in the middle of night.
Regardless of everything, i'm going sleep. Good night world xxx
HI.
I'M SO BUSY TILL I AM BARELY BREATHING!!!!!!!! Was feeling super tensed and worried since every deadline is just around the corner and i was actually worried that i might get a heart failure cause i haven't been eating properly/regularly.... I'm actually exhausted mentally and physically but yet i am putting a strong front in fear i might just collapse which IT MUST NOT HAPPEN. Ok, everyday is just routine of what to execute for projects, how will my day goes and the week continues. Recently i accepted another tution class and started my first two hour lesson with the primary 1 kid. I was a strict teacher (I admit) and i pressurised the kid to do well cause i felt that time should not be waste and maximise productivity! Nowadays society puts too much emphasis on education that i'm worried for him that he might not secure a good school with the competitiveness and a good job in future. Though he's adorable and would like to spend time giving him more breaks but no.......................he must hang on cause he's learning all the fundamentals of every subject. LOL I am teaching chinese, maths, english and i must say is a challenge. HAHAHAHAHAHA I had to do spelling for english, counting figures (subtracting/adding) and chinese was, alright cause it's my best subject back in primary school. I'm experimenting the stuffs that teachers did while i was in primary school and hopefully it benefits.... sigh. And, tomorrow I AM HAVING DRIVING LOLLOLL.
Really serve my right for making myself so hectic but everyday is a joy cause i'm making use of my life wtffffffffffffff ew i am disgusting cause i'm sick in the mind lol. But whatever what may comes i..........
I'M SO BUSY TILL I AM BARELY BREATHING!!!!!!!! Was feeling super tensed and worried since every deadline is just around the corner and i was actually worried that i might get a heart failure cause i haven't been eating properly/regularly.... I'm actually exhausted mentally and physically but yet i am putting a strong front in fear i might just collapse which IT MUST NOT HAPPEN. Ok, everyday is just routine of what to execute for projects, how will my day goes and the week continues. Recently i accepted another tution class and started my first two hour lesson with the primary 1 kid. I was a strict teacher (I admit) and i pressurised the kid to do well cause i felt that time should not be waste and maximise productivity! Nowadays society puts too much emphasis on education that i'm worried for him that he might not secure a good school with the competitiveness and a good job in future. Though he's adorable and would like to spend time giving him more breaks but no.......................he must hang on cause he's learning all the fundamentals of every subject. LOL I am teaching chinese, maths, english and i must say is a challenge. HAHAHAHAHAHA I had to do spelling for english, counting figures (subtracting/adding) and chinese was, alright cause it's my best subject back in primary school. I'm experimenting the stuffs that teachers did while i was in primary school and hopefully it benefits.... sigh. And, tomorrow I AM HAVING DRIVING LOLLOLL.
Really serve my right for making myself so hectic but everyday is a joy cause i'm making use of my life wtffffffffffffff ew i am disgusting cause i'm sick in the mind lol. But whatever what may comes i..........
stay cool :-B
