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was walking down the shopping alleys with a blistered foot and uncomfortable heels, stuggling every step of my walk to shop for presents. "should i get you some plasters? You look really uncomfortable" He commented. I rejected in a polite manner and asked to go to the toliet. With his approval, i walked to the toliet to ease my uncomfort by taking my shoes off. Here there are, sores bleeding and blistered with toe bubbles going to burst anytime. I took a quick glance and it and walked out the toliet with the pain still. "Here, I've gotten you something" I opened my palm and reached for it. It was plasters. Plasters to cover up my blisters so that it wouldn't hurt that much. It just dawned on me how much this person is willing to go any extent to care for a good friend, not even a lover to be in fact with no intentions of getting repayed for his kind actions. Sadly, this are the type of guys that girls desired, yet not fallen in love with.
I always wondered why do girls fall for guys that, sometimes don't worth our ten cent of effort for them. It's like hurting them repeatly over again and yet, still very deeply in love with that someone. Those countless disappointments, sadness and those nights you've weep silently for them, was it even worth it? I don't think those happy moments are measurable to the days where guys are just being jerks and they should just be ceast aside and rot to death. Maybe it's just the upbringing that is crucial or the personality, maybe its just me and myself. But i feel that when time comes, one should not even look back at the happy times but instead, focus on what you visualised the person you want to be in the future. You won't want to picture yourself having to be miserable all day long, to be legally, emotionally and physically attached to a husband who doesn't give a thought to what you think, your actions and be there for the good times, and not the bad times. Thats the worse scenerio you've got there.
I don't know why the sudden thought of typing all this, but i thought i could maybe relate it to myself with some deep thinking at night. Sometimes i blamed circumstances for causing all this small little fights in between us, sometimes I thank them for letting me see who are the ones that are willing to give their all, just so to see that smile of yours. We've been through countless ups and downs, and yet the good you're there, the bad you isn't. Its a battle of dilemma of who to confine and sometimes, i have to swallow down my fears, my tears just to show that i'm invincible and not a weakling to you. I always thought that you could be count on and you do, but time and time, i was proven to be wrong.
Maybe i just don't worth that much of the piority for you, because they said. "People you love, will always make time for you" I don't want the good times, i want the bad times as well. Nothing is ever gonna make it big and well in my life, nothing will. Acadamically, i wasn't a brillant student and i have to let all my hardwork down the arse just because i decided to let fate conquered me for the paper and not studying which i was wrong. Then again, who will ever learn their mistake if they didn't ever made one? Family wise, things are hanging on a thin thread which might just slip one day. Not sure what are the future plans of my mom and dad's, but as long as time permits, i hope it can drag for as long as it's possible for their divorce. And as for relationship, I let god to determine who will be strong and determined enough to stay. It's hard to deal with a girl like me with so much emotions, sensitivity and thoughts but i'm sure a person who love you enough will. A toast for a better tomorrow, always.
