That's exactly what I really need but in reality, it's just too bad. I don't have one. Because people you cared/once cared for you don't really have the time to just provide you with a listening ear. It is really bad to just go home and drown with tears whenever the night falls, wondering what happen and what might happen in future. What if our best is often not enough?
How is it that some people don't even have to study their life through and yet, they get through everything. It's been a good two years in SMU, but yet I'm consistently thinking I am kinda less intellectual as compared to the rest, worried to speak out during class for class participations in fear of mockery?? I don't even like how I'm feeling, how this environment shaped me and how literally people can be so selfish. They only care about themselves, and gave the burden to someone else just because it's "group project"- equal marks for all.
It's sad that I don't even have time to chill alone in the beach or to walk around neighbourhood to enjoy the breezes. I no longer felt happy, and everyday is the dreading to go to school with that smile and not putting my name tent so that professors won't call my name lol. But honestly, all this would be much more easier to deal with if I could just take a time off and pour all my sadness at one go, and I suddenly become strong again! But guess it's really unlikely, because it is inevitable to grow up and suck it up.
Actually I dont even want to blog about how I feel, cause it just shows the vulnerable side and I really don't like it when some people take it and spread it like nobody's businesses. But alright, I admit I'm really weak and it's a fact I think. I was initially feeling super unworthy and worthless but I chanced upon this picture online!
Exactly what I need. I guess life isn't bad at all when I've friends surrounding me. It's just sometimes I get really overwhelmed and don't know how to deal with it. But it's okay!! because only tough times, you'll reveal who will truly stick with you :)
Back to studies I think???? Have to really stop all this feelings.
